The Swiss Two-Step

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Agence France Presse 28-Apr-1999 The Swiss Two-Step

Joining the prosecution — however belatedly — will win the Swiss credit for their virtue, the comatose world press never stopping to question why the depositor was not arrested upon appearing in Switzerland with his first suitcase filled with cash.

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The Swiss Two-Step works as follows:

(as might be translated from a Swiss kindergarten-teacher's manual)

Step 1. Always take.

When you grow up and become a representative of a Swiss bank, accept all deposits of members of foreign parliaments, even of destitute countries, even amounting to millions, tens of millions, or hundreds of millions of US dollars, and continue doing so for any given parliamentarian for years and for decades. Never question the source of these funds. Also, accept all deposits of every pimp, drug lord, gun runner, and dictator who cares to walk into the bank.

Step 2. Never give.

When any particular depositor appears to be in danger of losing his income or being toppled from power, expect that his account will stop growing, and that it will even be rapidly depleted as he makes withdrawals to pay for attempts at defense or escape. At that point, freeze this depositor's account, and join in his prosecution. The more he is denied access to his resources and the more he is beset from all sides, the less power he will have to recover the funds held by the Swiss bank in his name. Also, joining the prosecution — however belatedly — will win the Swiss credit for their virtue, the comatose world press never stopping to question why the depositor was not arrested upon appearing in Switzerland with his first suitcase filled with cash. Never forget that your underlying goal is to ensure that this depositor's money never leaves Switzerland, or otherwise falls into the hands of the people from whom it was stolen.

Anyone who reads the newspapers will observe the Swiss Two-Step being practiced with the regularity of a Swiss Swatch.

According to the principle that Good is the evil which is permitted, the Swiss are a good people. In fact, given that much evil is permitted in our world, and given how often the Swiss lend a hand to concealing the money generated by this evil, one might go on to conclude that the Swiss are among the very best people in the world. Because the Swiss are so good, the people of Ukraine should not begrudge their contributions toward maintaining the high standard of living to which the Swiss have grown accustomed.

The comatose world press, puzzling over the mystery of Ukrainian economic under-performance, can be depended upon to not list Ukrainian contributions to Swiss wealth as playing any role.

Of course Swiss efforts to extradite Lazarenko to stand trial in Switzerland, as well as Ukrainian efforts to extradite Lazarenko to stand trial in Ukraine, are disingenuous. Lazarenko will never stand trial in either country. He knows too much. Standing trial in Switzerland, Lazarenko would only implicate the Swiss in his money-laundering. Standing trial in Ukraine, he would only reveal himself to be the godfather of one mafia clan which happened to be at war with the Leonid Kuchma mafia clan which at the moment had ensconced itself in power in Kyiv. Such embarrassments for Switzerland or for Leonid Kuchma will never be allowed to take place, and for this reason a Lazarenko trial will never be allowed to take place. Switzerland does not want to put Lazarenko on trial — it only wants to keep Lazarenko's heist while strengthening the illusion of Swiss morality; Switzerland also does not want to scare away new depositors by projecting the image of old depositors being unsympathetically treated. And George Soros protégé Leonid Kuchma does not want to put Lazarenko on trial either — he only wants Lazarenko disgraced and rendered powerless to interfere with Kuchma's winning of the presidential elections in the fall of this year.

Switzerland Asks U.S. For Former Ukraine Premier

BERN, Apr. 28, 1999 — (Agence France Presse) Switzerland asked the United States on Tuesday to extradite former Ukrainian Prime Minister Pavlo Lazarenko so that he can be tried on money laundering charges, Swiss federal police said Tuesday.

Pavlo Lazarenko Lazarenko (pictured), 46, is currently being held in an immigration detention facility in the San Francisco area, following his arrest in the United States in February.

Investigating magistrate Laurent Kasper-Ansermet, in Geneva, issued an international arrest warrant for Lazarenko earlier this month and announced he would press for extradition.

Lazarenko was arrested before in Switzerland, last December, when he entered the country with a Panamanian passport, and Kasper-Ansermet indicted him for money laundering.

He was released on bail after two weeks in detention, but failed to show up as promised before the Swiss courts.

Lazarenko, appointed prime minister in 1996 but later removed by President Leonid Kuchma, is asking the United States for political asylum, saying he is the target of political enemies.

He has been indicted in Ukraine on charges that he stole $2.3 million from the Ukraine treasury, illegally opened foreign bank accounts and abused his authority.

(© 1999 Agence France Presse)

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